memory fragments
by pepsicola porn
Summary: John dreams. Dave remembers.


**NOTES: **oh hi. wow, haven't done an author note yet have I? :u welp, here i am. hello. anyway yeah did some post-sburb shit. hehehe. or more like Slight AU; Post-Sburb/Scratch. whatever same thing. X'D i kind of fucked it up a bit so sorry for that guys. i did it for the sake of this drabble thing so shhh deal with it. :c i tried uploading this the other day but ff wouldn't let me…it was acting funky again. augh. D: but yeah here it is! enjoy?

extra: sorry i tend to jump around / tense shift. if it confuses you i apologize, i really do need a beta, ahah. ^-^;

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><p><strong>John: Dream<strong>

Sometimes, I dream.

The dreams aren't anything spectacular; they come to me like memories, memories that don't belong to me, but they come so sudden and fast and they feel so _real_ I just….my heart aches, my throat burns, and after every dream I wake up with tears flowing from my eyes. And I just cry. I don't know why, god I have no idea, but it feels good to cry. I curl up against myself and the dream - those fake memories - slowly fade away as I fall asleep with wet cheeks and an aching chest.

I've dreamt of a laughing girl with glasses, a girl with dark skin and a calm smile, my father in a pool of blood, of flying through the sky and feeling the wind brush my cheeks, of a burning in my chest and the taste of my own blood in my mouth, of a boy holding my face and kissing me gently murmuring "I love you, I'll protect you, I - " but I cant dream past that. There are finer memories, like that same boy holding me tightly, of my heart fluttering when he smirks at me, of his soft kisses and a foreign feeling of devotion and love and _oh my god I love this man please I want to be with him forever I want to keep him safe I want to protect him please_ -

Then I wake up and I forget.

I don't know his name; I don't even remember his face. My dreams feel like a dull ache in the back of my head. Sometimes I get headaches and sometimes I'll say something weird, something that doesn't make sense and sounds so sad on my tongue, but then it passes and I just….laugh it off even though it hurts.

_God it hurts._

I don't tell anyone about my dreams; it's like my own secret, something to wonder about. I don't always remember the dreams but sometimes they'll flash behind my eyes, a face or a word or a voice or a smell, and I am struck with grief. I don't even know why it makes me sad but it does, so fucking sad, and sometimes I have to turn away and hide my red eyes as they slowly fill with tears. My friends at school don't get it, they would never get it, and my father would just worry about me and I don't want that. So I don't tell anybody. I keep it quiet, I keep it all to myself, and sometimes I take solace knowing tonight I'll wake up crying about a nameless boy and faceless friends I never knew and never lost.

**Dave: Remember**

I remember everything.

It took a long time but in flashes, in hazy memories I passed off as dreams, it all came back to me. I remember installing the game, of dying and reviving, of meeting trolls and kissing John, of reaching God Tier and saying goodbye to John and I remember _everything_. At first it physically hurt me to remember; I'd get weak and sometimes I'd even throw up because fuck, the memories stung. Everything that floated back into my mind struck every part of my body, as if wielding a goddamn sword that constantly struck me every single time a new memory surfaced.

I do remember the friends I love and care about - that ridiculous troll Terezi included - but most of my memories, the ones that really shook me up and screamed at me to REMEMBER DAMMIT, were the ones of John. Of meeting him, finally meeting him, and smirking at his stupid elated grin. Of swimming in his blue, blue eyes. Of exchanging vows of love without ever speaking, of just….touching and kissing and smiling and just _knowing_ what it all meant. His soft hair, his warm skin, the way he laughed, the way he giggled whenever I kissed his neck, the way it was so fucking easy to make him laugh so hard he starts doing that adorable snorting thing - I miss him, even after the scratch, even after returning to my old life before Sburb I missed him I always did. I just….fuck. He's under my skin. He refuses to release me, even after my memories were supposed to be stolen from me.

But that's the thing. They weren't taken. I _remember_. Everything.

And that's why it hurts me so much knowing I'm the only one, and even though I took it upon myself to find Jade and Rose again I couldn't bring myself to message John. Jade didn't remember, but she admitted she felt a weird connection to my username and the way I spoke to her, that it ignited something in her that made her want to continue talking. And Rose. Rose remembered a little too, enough to call me her brother and make snarky comments about irony and I do remember, I remember her and how supportive she was when I came to her distraught over John's death and then his revival and then all the sappy fucking _love_ I had for the kid.

But John.

His Pesterchum handle just…sat there on the screen, glowing at me like a taunting blue blob of - fuck. I was so scared, so fucking scared he wouldn't remember. I want to - I want to just….see him again, kiss him, hold him, make him remember me. But I know I can't do this. I have to do what I did with Rose and Jade; pretend Sburb never happened. Pretend we never knew each other.

Start over.

_Will he still love me? Will he remember, even a little? Is it possible to start over, to make him fall in love with me again?_

**TG: sup  
>EB: hello!<br>EB: uh who is this?  
>TG: the names dave<strong>

And despite how fast my heart was beating, despite how sweaty my palms felt and how uncool I was acting, I had to smile when he replied just as he had the first time we met.

**EB: oh. nice to meet you dave! i'm john! :B**

And suddenly the past didn't matter anymore.


End file.
